Missing the Monkey Mind

The bittersweet thing about doing all my runs now with someone else is that my mind doesn't meander in the same way.

Before, while running on my own, my internal dialogue rambled. I might think about how I felt physically and notice aches and pains. Often I struggled to calculate pace forumlas or ruminated anxiously about my progress. Sometimes I planned my next blog entry or contemplated family or work issues. Many days I fantasized about winning the lottery or starring in my own action-adventure epic.

Now, I just run. Now I'm concentrating on a conversation. Now the run is over so quickly I haven't had a contemplative moment to make any observations.

I like running with company because it helps me run faster and farther. I have less time to mentally anguish about my performance or to dither anxiously about putting on my shoes and taking that first step. Now I have an appointment. Now I don't rely solely on myself to find motivation, now someone else is waiting for me to show up and I'm loathe to disappoint.

I just do it. I just run, and then it's over with, crossed off my to-do list, accomplished with hardly a second thought.

But I have missed running on my own, in silence. I've missed the mental absorption of being by myself, listening to my breath with only my own thoughts motivating me to take that next step, to go one more block. I miss the way running solo tested my willpower. Can I do it? Will I let myself down?

Running by myself is harder, more of test; running in company is like attending a dinner party where I have to entertain the guests and be prepared with amusing anecdotes. One is an inward, introspective activity and the other is outward and social.

But I do miss the intensity of being tangled up in my own thoughts. Is it crazy to say that on the days that I don't run with Coach I've been contemplating lacing up my shoes for a solo run?
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Earlier this week The Coach had a new client and me run together. The girl's pace was a bit slower than mine, and at the end of the four miles -- not having broken a sweat or labored for air -- I felt like I could have easily run another four at that pace.

My concentration thus far has been on getting faster. No I'm curious about running longer. I'm thinking 5 miles is within my reach and after that? A 10k is starting to look very possible.