Digging into the Skinny

Saturday night I took the bus to a community arts center to see a dance show, a Latin Review of sorts, complete with lots of feathers, sequins and tropical colors. It was fabulous and completely over the top, which made me swoon with happiness! I often go to things like this alone, and I'm pretty much over any discomfort I feel when doing this, but I often feel that I cause discomfort to others with this loner behavior.

The thing is, art is important to me. And if I wait around to find someone to join me, I'll miss out on a lot of good stuff. As it is, my finances really limit how many concerts or plays or even movies I attend. Being able to participate in creative expression, even as an audience member, is vital for me.

The point of this whole story is that one of the dancers in the group is a young man I know. I took a weekly salsa class from him a few years back, for over a year. The class was out of a hole-in-the-wall flamenco studio in a strip mall, and I was often his only student. He had a very theatrical flair and he often taught me flashy, complicated moves and bemoaned by reluctance to be more expressive and expansive with my hands. He was an absolute treat as an instructor, if a bit impractical since I'm not headed into a Broadway career.

When we spoke Saturday after the show he was noticeably thinner. Gaunt, even. I told him this, and he thanked me, but I don't really think I meant it as a compliment, even though he accepted it as one. I think I was more startled upon seeing him up close and just blurted out "You must have lost 50 pounds!"

I wanted to take him aside and made sure he was getting enough protein and carbs and fats. I waned to march up to the dance director and lecture him about not encouraging thinness in his dancers. I wanted to break out in a dance move and show him that while I may not be a talented dancer, I can still look good and exude energy and style without being skinny.

So riding home on the bus that night I made a vow that I will try very hard to be more precise in my compliments and not say to anyone "you look so thin!" "Thin" is such a small part of the equation. When I see someone whose appearance has changed I want to try and say something like:

"You look so healthy. You're glowing."
"You're so strong."
"I really admire your athleticism."
"I'm so inspired by your energy and dedication."
"I love how you channel your passion through your dance."

I suppose I want to try to compliment not only changes in appearance but also the accompanying, but less heralded, discipline and passion and emotion required for that effort.

Last week my brother said to me "you're getting so skinny" and I was angry with him!

I wanted him to see other things that just the drop of a few pounds. I wanted him to admire my new ability to run with increasing ease, my lifting routine, my focus, my wide range of physical interests. It felt like an inadequate observation, and reduced all my efforts to one result.
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