The Coach and I
Last night I hired a running coach. Our first session resulted in a mixture of emotions for me: excitement, discouragement, determination.
The coach directs a local running club and organizes local races. The deal is great: 20 sessions for $80. The idea is that you run with the local club twice a week and get some personalized attention from the coach. I like him -- he's very friendly, down-to-earth and has been doing this running things for decades. I trust his experience -- but some of the things he had to tell me were things I didn't want to hear!
The individual session last night was to get an idea of my fitness level. I told him my goals were weight loss and fitness, and that I'd been running 35 minutes for 3 times a week for several months. Right away he told me his opinion that in order to be a fit runner, one needs to be able to run 5 miles regularly.
This is where I started to feel the discouragement. It's not like I haven't seen this coming -- I haven't lost any weight that I can tell in the past months on running alone (first official weigh-in of 2005 is scheduled for next week). Many blogs I read talk about how the "groove" of running doesn't occur until sometime after mile 3. My discouragement came from the tape loop in my head that sounded something like this: "holy crap, there's no way I can run 5 miles and have fun. It will take too much time out of my day. I don't have enough running clothes. What if I decide I hate running and any fitness or weight loss benefits I see are lost forever if I stop? Does this mean I'm going to have run 5 miles every day for the rest of my everlasting life? What if I never get any faster? What if I don't want to get any faster? What if I'm just a fraud and deluding myself?!" You can see how hysterical my little brain can get.
On to the actual session: (can I just say that I was so nervous to be running with someone for the first time that I took preventative measures by swallowing two anti-gas caplets? In light of the gazillion Girl Scout cookies I'd ingested earlier in the day this seemed like a prudent action.)
First he took my watch away. This was actually quite disorientating. After he showed me a few basic stretches, we got started along a route in a local urban park. He rode alongside me on his bike and chatted as I tried to gasp out replies. The run itself felt fine, physically. Still a bit difficult, but not tortuous. Do-able.
In the end, I ran 3.5 miles in 42 minutes, which puts me squarely at a 12 minute pace. This is further and longer than I've ever run, and without my watch and with a companion I must say that the run didn't seem nearly as long as my solo 35 minutes. But this means I haven't improved any since the 5K in December, which I ran at an 11:30 pace or so.
The coach also told me that he was going to continue private sessions with me because I'm not fast enough to run with the club yet. They are running 4.5 miles at a 10-minute pace. He'd told me he was coaching lots of beginners, people who are doing run/walk combos, but I guess they're not working out with the club either. This discouraged me because I'd like to run with people, if only for the distraction. Also, it felt a bit like high school when I wasn't cool enough to join a certain club or clique -- the skulking shame! the burning cheeks!
When I got home I had a "What's the point?" attack. As in, what's the point of running, what's the point of eating better, what's the point of lifting weights, what's the point of going to work, what's the point of washing the dishes, what's the point of taking a shower? Somewhere in there was a whole riff on "Winter sucks and I'm getting on the next plane to the tropics."
I pretty much lay comatose on my couch for a few hours flipping TV channels feeling crappy and down on myself. Eventually, however, I was able to convince myself that these 20 sessions don't represent anything other than a new experience. If I don't get faster, well then, I'll just know that I'm slow and be OK with it. If I want to give up running, I'll find something new to replace it. It's not do or die. It's not black or white. My little life and me are so not the center of the universe.
10 Comments:
Hey Megan, it's Meghan. Thanks for the well wishes over on my site.
I just wanted to say that I think what you're coach said is a lot of bull-schmarky. (Please don't tell him/her I said that, though.) I don't think there is any set mileage that everyone has to run in order to be a fit runner. All runners are different, and we all respond to exercise in different ways. 5 miles to one person could feel like 1 mile to another, or 11 miles to still another.
You (and your coach?) need to take into account your goals. You said you're goals are weight loss and fitness. For weight loss, the answer is simple, that your body needs to burn more calories than it takes in. Most nutrition specialists would recommend doing this via a combination of taking in less food and burning calories by exercising. Additionally, you can expedite the process by speeding up your metabolism. With a higher metabolism, your body burns calories more efficiently. There are lots of unhealthy ways to do this, will pills and such. Or, to do it naturally, if you create more muscle mass (by running, lifting weights, etc.), your metabolism will speed up. Muscle cells are more energetic than any other kind of cell in your body.
If your other goal is to be "fit," then this is entirely a personal definition. You need to decide what fit means to you. Fit to you may mean being able to run 3 miles, 3 times per week. While fit to another person may be to walk 2 miles every day. There is no golden time/distance/measurable quantity, everyone is different.
I just had to comment, because I think it sucks that you're coach discouraged you. Keep getting out there!
Meghan
Buck up, things'll get better.
Check out NC Munchkin's post from today if you haven't. She's been struggling with "why" for a while, too.
Megan - I'm just a little annoyed at this guy, I guess not because of what he said, but more because of the way it made you feel. Hopefully it will serve you in the future, in a good way.
I just wanted to point out that you might ask your coach if some of the other runners currently not ready to jump in with the more experienced runners might not also want to set up a running group. Of slowpokes. ha! But you know what I mean, it can be sort of "unofficial" or as a second group - if he's got all these personal sessions going, he might welcome bundling you together once in a while. Or, putting you in direct contact when you can get a running/support group going outside of what his sessions are.
Just keep running. Seriously.
- Mia
Wonderful post,I SO relate what you are saying about self-doubt, feeling inferior or not-good enough, and wondering if I'll ever get there. To me there seems to be a huge barrier to go beyond 45 min of running - and I'm thinking too "Will I have to do this the rest of my life? I'm busy!" etc. I think I'm slowly breaking the barriers though, I've mentally prepared myself (as you have - it's not "do or die" ;)) and when the snow disappears and weather gets warmer I'll be swooshing my way around the suburbs!
Thanks for sharing - wishing you all the best, Tracy XOX
Hi there. It is Fig- or santana cody or whatever... ya know- from blooming fig. I just read your post and I know of what you speak. I started feeling some of that during my tri training. You know what helped me when all the scientific gobedook didn't? Telling myself they can all fuck off. And reminding myself that if I kept at it- the next race or the next tri- I would be in the faster group- but if I didn't keep at it- I would be in the same damn place year after year.
I am positive there are other runners there that would welcome running with someone at your pace- I would go find them myself if I were you. I myself like your trainer's approach. I thrive on the "well, I'll show him!"
Whatever keeps you going is what you need- it doesn't mater if anyone agrees. You can get to where you can run 5 miles comfortably- you just have to really want it. Do you really want it?
Love your blog.
cool post! i say bravo to signing up for the coach, thats a big step! how many people in this world sign up with a coach to improve themselves? .0001%?? i've been thinking about running with a group but i haven't done anything about it yet so you are way ahead of me there. good job! you will be my motivation to actually check it out for real and maybe (maybe!) sign up!! part of my thing is that i don't feel good enough--i gotta get past that. anyway, i'd run with ya!
I bet this will turn out to be a really good experience in the end. At first blush it feels, to me, like someone actually saying the things I tell myself all the time - and that I most fear someone else actually saying to me: you don't run far enough, you don't run fast enough (by whatever standards are being applied).
On the other hand, here is someone to guide you down the road to find out what all the fuss is about after all, and why the people who do run farther (if not necessarily faster) love it so much.
It seems like this coach really has the potential to create a defining experience in your running.
Megan,
You know what, I am totally inspired by your experience. I know that may seem weird since you described at least one near panic attack; however, in therapy (drum roll, please), I've learned something that must seem totally basic to everyone else...When faced with an anxiety-enducing situation, people tend to either avoid or engage. I'm REEEEEAAAAAALLLLY working on the engagement thing, but you just really DID it. Also, "engagement" supposedly breeds further competence. So, I'm just totally inspired that you faced something completly intimidating. Hoo rah! Faye
Thanks for sharing your experience - you are so not alone! Sometimes I feel like a total sham because I take walk breaks even in my short runs. Yes, Jeff Galloway says that is okay (and I am using his program to train for a marathon), but sometimes I feel like I am not a "real" runner. And I don't like people teating me down hoping I will "rise" to the challenge. Mind games just piss me off. Maybe he won't be the right coach for you - maybe he'll be great. But you are working to improve - that's what counts.
I was going to leave a little tip on New Years Resolutions and how to make the best of them.
Unfortunately, I would not be able to keep it brief.
Goal setting takes effort and you really have to know how to do it to do it well. Especially the follow-up.
That's why I've included a lot of FREE goal setting information on my website, to help folks like you be more successful.
In fact, you can start now, and get a head start on the new year - and the rest of your life.
Think goal setting isn't important? Spend a little time at reaching goals and you'll change your mind.
Have a GREAT day!
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