So this is what's worrying me today. I went on a date last Saturday and I didn't even know it.

A guy I've known for about a year, in an organized way really since we're in the same drum group, asked me to his house for dinner and a play afterwards. I've gone out several times in a group context with him, and because he recently has spent some time showing off his new house, I thought "well, this is what it appears to be on the surface -- a man who wants to practice some home cooking and enjoy the company of a like-minded friend." OK, I'd be lying if I said the thought "date" didn't skitter across my mind, but I dismissed it because, after all, I really haven't gotten any vibes from the guy, I'm not attracted to him, and mostly, because I'm self-centered and my mind moved on to more enjoyable, navel-gazing activities.

But then halfway through dinner, I began to get the feeling that we were talking at cross-purposes. Like we were both expereincing the same evening, but from completely different persepectives.

So I did some canvassing today among mutal friends, and the verdict is that I was on a date, and everyone but me knew it. And now looking back on the last several months, I'm wondering if I haven't been misinterpreting lots of other interactions. If I haven't, in fact, led this guy on, no matter how unknowingly.

The thing is, I'm not sure I can manufacture interest in this guy. But either way, I feel bad, because I think I'm going to have to hurt his feelings and be the cause of some insecurity on his part. And my own density and insensitivity has led me here. So I'm thinking this is my fault, though mostly it's a pain in my well-ordered ass.